Part 1: 3 Practical & Simple Tips to Help Your Child Become Emotionally Stronger and More Confident
- Yudy Veras Bueno, Emotional & Spiritual Guide
HAPPINESS IS A SKILL THAT WE CAN TEACH OUR KIDS. HAPPINESS IS A STATE OF MIND, A CHOICE. HAPPINESS IS A DECISION!
I have two amazing kids, a 21-year-old girl, and a 15-year-old boy. At an early age, my baby boy was diagnosed with ADHD and “other learning impairments.”
He received early intervention and did well. He learned to speak and read, however, his ability to process and retain information was a challenge. Hence, the school was not his favorite place to go. For Chris, the school became a nightmare.
Every morning, Chris would refuse to get up or get ready. He was also having a hard time processing his emotions, so he became angry. My home became a battlefield, a struggle. As a mom, it was frustrating and sad to see him struggle that way. One night during our prayers before bed, he told me, “Mom, I think God made me wrong.”
“Chris, what would make you say that?” With tears in my eyes, I said to my beautiful boy, “Chris there is nothing wrong with you. God made you perfect. You are just perfect the way you are!”
You can imagine how hard it was for me as a mom to hear my baby boy saying such a thing. He was not only miserable, but he was in pain.
That night I decided that I needed to find a way to help him. I would not let my child struggle anymore; this was no longer acceptable. That night I set my intentions during my meditation to find a solution.
I know that for every challenge, there is a viable solution, a spiritual solution. I learned this from my own experience after suffering for many years with depression, anxiety, and not feeling good about myself.
I learned that change is inevitable, but the transformation is a choice. I was able to transform into a happier and healthier version of myself, and so I knew that Chris was able to do the same.
As a holistic and wellness advisor and spiritual Guide, I practice my meditation and breathing routine every morning. It is my ritual to remove blockages and stress. Whenever there is a challenge, I present it to the universal mind, the higher self, the mind of God or Goddess of the universe, whatever you want to call it. The name does not matter. What matters is that this is a creative force that is guiding us always. The truth is that anything I do is guided by this power. So, I present this challenge and trust that the answer will come, and it did.
I found out how to help Chris, and here I am sharing the seven practical steps that I used to help Chris become emotionally stronger, and that you can use with your child as well. This will work as long as you are consistent. Chris was able to change from feeling angry all the time to becoming more relaxed, loving, and caring.
I know that you can do it too, because your child is precious, and you’ll do anything to help him or her. The only two prerequisites for this to work is number one, you must be consistent – nothing works by doing it once. You must practice it every day, even when you feel that you want to give up.
And second, you must have faith, even when you still don’t see the physical evidence. Habits take at least 21 days to develop, so the key is practice, practice, practice.
Tip #1 –Start by asking better questions:
A few days later after my conversation with Chris, I was invited to a seminar on the topic of happiness. It was just perfect for what I needed at the time. The seminar was amazing. At the end of the event, I came to one of the coordinators and thanked her for putting it together. I said, “I came with a lot of questions, and I found so many answers.” Then, she asked me, “What answers were you looking for today?” I explained the struggle with Chris daily. I told her that I did not know what else to do with him, that I tried everything.
And then she said something profound, but simple. She said, “Make sure he is happy because when kids are happy, everything is possible.” And then, she said, happiness is the answer to every problem. Teach him to find a “happy place” within his heart, and once he is there, he’ll be able to do anything.
That was a profound and simple formula: Make sure he is happy. Teach him to recall happy memories to create happiness within his heart, and from that place anything is possible…
Make sure you are happy; because when you are happy everything is possible.
Tip #2: The power of rituals: Create a ritual and stick to it, have faith, and be consistent, and in time you’ll get the results you want.
I do know about brain plasticity and the power of visualization, and how we are creating our life with every thought, every word, and every action. This is something I believe in and teach. I also experienced a happy place during my journey to healing my body, mind, and spirit.
So, I was determined to make it work, and so I created a ritual for both of us, me and Chris, before going to bed, we will give thanks. A simple way to give thanks was by asking Chris about all the things that made him happy today, or at least three things that made him happy.
Every night, once he was ready to go to sleep, I would ask Chris any of these questions and give him time to think and answer me back:
· Ok Chris, tell me one thing that made you happy today? or
· What was good about today? Or
· What was good about recess? Or
· Tell me one thing that was great about today's day? Or
· What are you grateful for today?
And of course, most of the time he'll talk about recess and the games he played, his friends, the silly things they did together, the running and the jumping, etc.
However, something happened, as time passed, he started talking about other things that he was grateful for, such as lunchtime, and things that he enjoyed during lunch, and good things that happened at home, little things, such as:
His dog Ruffus and how much he loves him
About playing at the park
Going to the pool during summer
Exploring the backyard
Watching a movie
Playing soccer with his dad
Playing with the big sister
Being able to do his homework in time
Enjoying a delicious dinner
Looking at the squirrel and the deer, and on, and on…
This became our ritual. Every night I’ll ask these questions and Chris will answer.
Tip #3 –Start a Happy Memories Collection box!
And without even knowing what we were doing, we started a collection of happy memories to use whenever we wanted to go into a happy place within our heart and from there, everything was possible.
Chris was training himself to find things that made him happy during the day so he can share them with me at night. If one night he would not find anything, I would offer suggestions, such as:
What about dinner? or
What about the painting you did today? Or
What about the Lego you put together? or
The dessert your sister made? or
Your comfy bed? or
Your toys? or
What about all the homework you were able to finish?
And he would say, Oh yes, that was great, and I would ask, how did that make you feel? Happy, he would say.
And then I would ask, Chris, how important is it to be happy? He would answer, very important.
And I would ask, Why Chris? He would say because when you are happy, good things happen to you.
I learned the power of asking better and quality questions. One of the most powerful questions that I learned to ask is, What was good about that?
And just like that, he would go to a happy place within his heart where great things were always happening for him, and once he was there, anything was possible.