Red Flags in Friendships
Friendships are among the most challenging things we girls can navigate; they take years to solidify and maintain. As a college senior, I have had various friendships throughout middle school, high school, and college. Whether I met my friends through class, extracurriculars, work, or even elsewhere, they all have had ups and downs, and it took me years to understand the complexity of a friendship (and I am still learning!). The reality is that friendships should be a two-way street, and while it's easy to give your most to someone, it's essential to keep an eye out for red flags that indicate a one-sided or toxic friendship. In my experience, there have been five big red flags that you should take note of when you befriend someone new:
1. They never ask questions about you: If you ask your friend about, for example, their day, and they go on and on about themselves and never say, "What about you?" or bounce back any questions, it's a sign that your friend cares more about themselves than you. This also applies when you are having a hard time, and they failto check in on you, like by texting, "How are you doing?". Keep in mind that this is highly OK if it happens once or twice, but not if it happens every time you have a conversation. Sometimes, your friends have something they are going through; they need to rant and forget to ask about others.
2. They cancel on you to hang out with other people: We all know the term "social climber" - when a person tries to hang out with the coolest people and climb their way up the metaphorical popularity tree. True friends don't care about how "cool" another person makes them look when seen as being friends. An easy red flag of this is when they hang out with other people but cancel on your plans, indicating they think the other person is "cooler" than you.
3. They make little jokes about you: While it is entirely OK to joke around with your friends, bullying is NOT OK. Whether it is a comment that is backhanded or straight to the point, your friends should never make you feel offended. If this happens, alone or in a group of people, I recommend telling them you aren't comfortable with their comments.
4. They talk badly about their other friends: If your friend is ranting to you about their other friends, it's a sign they're a gossip and could be doing the same thing about you to those friends as well. You should support your friends when dealing with other friends' troubles, but be wary of whether their concerns seem genuine or just dumb gossip. Nobody wants to be talked about behind their back, and if someone gossips to you, they could be doing the same about you to others.
5. They get competitive on every topic: Real friends are supportive of each other, whether that be related toother friendships, relationships, careers, academics, lifestyles, and more. If you can't hold a conversation withyour friends without them trying to one-up you, the relationship can become toxic. Your friend can do this in several ways, from responding in ways they have achieved more than you or even by shutting down and changing the subject when you bring up a success. We are all different people with different lives, and friends should be there for one another regardless of their own levels of achievement.
There are so many ways to foster a healthy relationship. However, looking out for red flags is essential so your friendswill be there for you when you need them most. While these red flags are necessary, they can be a way to work on a friendship with conversation and not just by running away. Keep in mind that to be the best friend you can be, you should be open to honest communication and working on being a fair and understanding person.