It’s All About Self-Worth…Isn’t It?
If you are a go-getter, badass thriver, and boss lady, well, this is totally for you!
It's All About Self-Worth… Isn't it? Claudia asked, declared, and confirmed during one of our healing sessions as if she just discovered the map to a hidden treasure or a secret code. For her, this was a huge "aha moment." To understand where Claudia is coming from, you must first understand a little bit of who she is. You see, she is one of those women who we call high achievers, making-it-happen type of women, a badass momma, a thriver, boss lady, and a go-getter.
A thriver or a go-getter is an individual with an incredible ability to believe in themselves and their dreams. They are our everyday superheroes, fighters, and warriors. If you tell them no, well, embrace yourself, they will prove you wrong big time.
Anger fuels them, obstacles feed them, discrimination enrages them, and injustices are just not a thing that they will put up with. They love with passion, fight with their guts, and, well, let's just say… some people will find them a little bit intimidating and intense.
I recognize a go-getter everywhere I go because I'm one of them, and I love working with them. We have in our DNA a contagious and almost irrational sense of optimism – We believe in life, and we look for what's good in people. We have the firm conviction that everything is possible and that everything happens for a reason. So, our Claudia Inoa is part of this go-getter club, no doubt.
However, There Is A Catch… There Is A False Perception That A Go-Getter, Badass, Boss Lady Is Extremely Confident And Impervious To Self-Doubt, Fears, And Harsh Self-Judgment.
Guess What? You Will Be Surprised To Learn That This Is Not The Truth.
You will be surprised to know that the majority of go-getters usually develop perfectionist tendencies, harsh self-judgment, and they tend to compare themselves to others, especially when it comes to success, which creates an inner battle as they usually feel like they could be doing more, or maybe they are not taking enough actions, which means, not living up to their expectations, standards, and purpose.
Yes, I Must Confess, We Tend To Suffer From A Deep-Rooted Fear Of Failure, Hence, The Need To Become Perfect.
It took me 22 years to understand that no matter how much I achieved, how much money I made, or how many titles and certifications I had accumulated – if I was not ok with me, I’ll never be able to enjoy these achievements. I had an inner battle that did not allow me to take it in and celebrate small and big victories. Celebrating, in a way, was viewed as a distraction.
So, now we can understand why Claudia was surprised about her latest discovery – that for you to be and feel happy, you must learn to embrace every part of who you are, regardless if you are a go-getter or not. It is a universal rule. She expressed that even though we had discussed the issue at great length, she was doubtful… She confessed, "I always asked myself, can it be so easy?" Yes, it is that easy – and it's not – because, to learn to love and accept yourself, you must work on your sense of self-worth, which means getting into the muddy and ugly part of your story.
Insights/Reflections
Then, of course, as a go-getter that you are, right now, you must be saying… Ok, I get it, so, what now? Please give it to me, girl… don't hold back; I'm listening… go-getters are very coachable… which is great!
Ok… The Answer Is Simple; You Must Begin By Understanding What’s Unworthiness, How It Drains Your Mental Power, And Your Ability To Take Action.
Let’s break it down now - Self-worth is the internal sense of feeling at peace with who you are as a human being. Self-worth comes from valuing yourself. It does not come from your accomplishment or lack of accomplishment. The feeling of worthiness comes from within, and it’s not determined by how others see you.
Why is self-worth so important? It’s extremely important because your sense of worthiness heavily influences and determines 90% of your choices and decisions in life, meaning it will determine the number of quality actions you will take to expand your business, create more revenue, take better care of yourself, and feel fully satisfied and realized with your life.
Plus, it does take three times the amount of energy to accomplish anything if you are in a constant inner battle with yourself. Look for symptoms of unworthiness below - and think of how much energy you waste doing any of these things:
Symptoms Of Lack Of Self-Worth:
Constant overthinking, which creates a toxic Inner Dialog and self-criticism: Why did you say that? That was stupid? What would they think? etc.
Inability to set healthy boundaries, be able to say NO without feeling guilty
Becoming a people pleaser or wanting to make people happy all the time at your own expense
Needing constant validation and approval - not feeling good enough.
Comparing yourself to others in terms of success.
Inability to give yourself credit for the simple things or big things.
Inability to take a compliment or say a simple "thank you" without having to give a compliment back – "that's a beautiful dress – well is very old or your dress is beautiful too."
Being harsh on yourself: Putting yourself down or allowing others to put you down.
The individual believes in themselves and their dream. It's a thriver yet is not able to make good decisions for them as an individual – it lacks a sense of self-love and acceptance:
Not being able to set healthy habits, such as eating well, exercising
Inability to ask for help when needed
Saying no without feeling guilty –
Feeling bad or worry about hurting others feelings when setting boundaries
Going the extra mile for others not feeling appreciated –
Feeling resentful as a result of not feeling appreciated
Not being able to put their needs first
Ok… I get it - it is very dangerous. Why do we suffer from a lack of self-worth?
The distorted perception of us was created based on accumulated painful or unpleasant experiences from the past. – these were usually emotionally charged experiences where we felt judged or deemed “less than” by the adults in our lives or authority figures such as, mother, father, teacher, preacher, mentors, family members, etc.
For instance, as a child your mom, dad, or teacher criticized you, called you names, or compared you to your siblings or the neighbor’s kids, or classmates, and made you feel like you did something very wrong or did not measure up to their standard – you feel like you disappointed them.
Or…
Having "the perfect" childhood where you were not allowed to make mistakes or had unrealistic expectations– for instance, having an "A" instead of an "A+" and therefore feeling like a failure even though an acceptable measuring criterion was reached.
Since childhood, we are bombarded with endless images and information that cloud our sense of worthiness and identity. Mainly because there is a false sense of what success means and our sense of beauty is attached to impossible ideals that don't relate to real life and how we are supposed to look and feel to achieve these insane expectations.
Yes, we often make the mistake of allowing others to define ourselves. Or we define ourselves based on what we own, how much money we make, how we look, or our ideas of a perfect life.
You see, your inability to embrace and love yourself, accept your mistakes, learn from them, stop comparing yourself to others, and be able to celebrate your small and big victories is what's ruining your days, weeks, months, years… It creates a huge amount of stress and anxiety that interferes with your ability to make it happen. That's what's stopping you from fully bringing your dreams to fruition. It ruins your ability to enjoy life to the fullest even if you haven't achieved all your dreams yet.
You can only begin to comprehend this truth as you begin to practice, as Claudia does... every day, she wakes up with a renewed sense of self-worth as she does her exercise routine and takes the extra time for simple things such as nourishing her body with nice massage applying soft creams and oils and being able to see herself for who she is, appreciating her body, and loving it. Therefore, healing is not about changing who you are; on the contrary, it is bringing it forward.
How Can I Get To Where Claudia Is Now? We Must Begin A Healing Process To Create A Clear Understanding, We Must Educate Ourselves On How Our Mind Works. And Then, We Must Begin A Healing Process.
My dear friend Eileen shared a new song that was released a few weeks ago, by a very talented young artist, Fletcher, on her new album Healing; in one of her Instagram posts, she brilliantly describes what healing is about - She said:
“Healing isn’t about discovering yourself or finding yourself; it is actually about uncovering all the stuff that is really ugly and getting in touch with all the things that I didn’t know were there because I was hiding them, or they felt too painful to touch. It’s about letting those come to the surface and putting my hands on them; it’s about realizing that everything you have ever been looking for is always right here. - that’s when the healing process begins.”
I have worked with hundreds of go-getters from different walks of life, different cultural backgrounds, professions, and even different languages - one thing they all have in common is courage. Healing does take courage and strength because of what Fletcher points out - we must uncover the ugly.
And when we take the time and resources to uncover the ugly... then, and only then, we allow ourselves to find the beauty behind all the stuff we were afraid to touch.
Why is it important to understand why we need healing? We spend thousands of dollars on diets, surgeries, and beauty treatments expecting to feel better. Then, we realized that we might be looking great on the outside yet it does not mean that I feel great about myself. We are not investing the same energy and resources on truly finding out the root cause of the unhappiness that usually comes from past experiences or childhood trauma.
Simply, we are not investing in what matters, which is healing our relationship with ourselves instead of wanting to impress others.
Just because you look good on the outside doesn't mean you feel good on the inside.